Thursday, 9 January 2014


There's only penny toffees left
The tinsel's in the hoover bag
The scraps are in the bin
The wrapping's in recycling
And we have no more gin

The turkey’s in the freezer
Our belts are inches wider
My bank balance is in the red
And we have no more cider

Santa’s in Barbados now
My festive sweater's smelly
The reindeers are in rehab
And we have no more Sherry

The candles are incinerated
Late greetings are insincere
There are Twiglets in the jelly
And we have no more beer

Red wine has stained the carpet pink
my hands have wrinkled in the sink
the gadgetry is all in sync
except the telly's on the blink.
I’m on a diet, on the brink,
I feel like I'm the missing link
it’s out of hours - can’t call a shrink
and I don’t want to cause a stink
but can you all please stop and think:
where oh where oh where oh where
is all the bloody drink?


  1. When I was at big school
    After maths came sport.
    Football on a frozen pitch
    The goalies looking fraught.
    But that was many years ago
    (A four and then a nought).
    Now I'm cosy by my fire
    Scoffing cheese and port.
    And oat cakes.


    1. I'm glad to hear you're safe and warm
      You should drink port after a storm,

  2. Ugh .. Twiglets in the jelly - that's such an apt image for the post-Christmas state!