Tuesday 19 February 2013

A mysterious package

Romance and mystery are in the air at the library where I work. Last Thursday - Valentine's Day - a gift bag was found on the returned fiction trolley with my name on it. I only work Mondays and Tuesdays so I didn't get it until yesterday.

Inside was a box of choccies and a poem. No name, no clue.

I have no idea who it is from! I assume they wrote the poem, and it's rather good, so that narrows it down somewhat, but I do know a LOT of poets! But some of the Borrowers could be secret poets!

If they copied the poem from somewhere, that opens it right up again. I am eyeing everyone who comes in with suspicious eyes, looking for sign. I have considered going through all the membership forms comparing handwriting or getting forensics to brush the paper for prints...

But at the same time I am quite enjoying not knowing!

112 comments:

  1. I am afraid you can cross off the name which must be at the top of your list of suspects. It wasn't me...




    ...or was it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoever it was spelled my name correctly, so i haven't ruled you out! 8-)

      Delete
  2. A little bit of mystery to spice life up. I love the way you put a capital B on Borrowers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's only polite.

      Yes, it's given everyone a little frisson of excitement at work, a fillip if you will (or a Bob, or a Wilfred, or a Malcolm... or a Dave)

      Delete
  3. How exciting! Have you tried Googling the poem?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have indeed, to no avail. Now who would rhyme 'laughter' with 'Kafka'...?

      Delete
  4. Awwww. Everyone deserves a mystery admirer.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello?

    Helllooooo?

    Is there anybody here?

    Is there a Cockle in the house?

    M.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alive, alive oh..... oh.

      Your initials seem to have changed... But then you never know with these anonymous types...

      Delete
  6. Hello Cockle!

    It is currently a bit one sided at the moment, what with you knowing virtually nothing about me so, what do you say to me filling in a few blanks in future messages, and if the feeling takes you, you can chuck a question at me and I'll see if I can answer it?

    Just for the avoidance of doubt, though, I have to admit up front that I do not currently own a secret underground lair. However, if it would expedite matters...

    Your(As yet still) Most Mysterious Mussel.

    P.S. If anyone else comes across this page now, they're going to be seriously discombobulated!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh! M for Mussel - what is it with you and shellfish, anyway?

      First question: Do I know you? I mean, if I saw you in the street would I say how do?

      p.s. You should be commended, by the way, for attempting to reintroduce the word 'discombobulated' into the wild.

      Delete
  7. I have only ever spoken to you in the library - fewer than, say, ten times, but I think you would know me in the street. Though this may just be unwarranted ego on my part. I am tall and dark and not so incredibly grotesque that you would run a mile. Perhaps half a mile. I would tell you more but if I said I was six foot six tall (I'm not) I envisage the entrance to the library having a big white arrow indicating where six six is and all the staff, brandishing photo-fit drawings, looking for a man with a green mole on his forehead (I haven't).

    Things I like to do for leisure:

    play football
    play chess
    play tennis
    climb mountains (that should really read 'walk up quite big hills')
    Run (in gym or along New Brighton front- have you seen the new miniature golf course they are building where the tennis courts used to be? Quite impressive!)
    Walk
    write
    read
    Listen to Springsteen, Bowie, Meat Loaf and others
    go to cinema
    rarely go to theatre because so many performances are disappointing.

    Hope that has been helpful.

    M.M.M.

    P.S. If you object to Cockle and Mussel let me know and they will be heard from never again.








    ReplyDelete
  8. All Borrowers are guilty until proven innocent, so you are right about the big arrow and the photo-fit. We make our own entertainment, you understand.

    I don't 'object' to Cockle and Mussel exactly, although I might be something crabbier and you're a bit of a clam.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Okay, I have the impression you are cool towards 'pet' names so I'll revert back to QW and you can be...um... Clare! (I'm known for my intuitive feel for what a situation calls for.)

    Anyway, on to my reason for writing.

    Further to previous revelations, I can tell you I am about the same age as yourself, give or take a few years (no more than five). I pretty much always have a positive outlook on life and believe it or not was quite sanguine about our lack of meeting on 1st April. I was full of flu, looked a complete mess and was in no way prepared for witty banter - it would have been more like sweaty splutter! All of which leads me to my cunning plans.

    I have three cunning plans. The first is to manifest my presence once more in the library, my second is to subtly, and with absolutely no embarrassment to yourself (guaranteed), make myself known. (I think it is unfair to you to continue talking to a faceless person.) and the third plan is to try and pick a time when your auntie from Adelaide hasn't arranged to visit you, and try to recreate April 1st. I would be interested in any comments you have regarding these schemes.

    With all best wishes,

    QW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Now I am flummoxed. I must confess I was about 95% sure I had guessed who you were. I'd done the hand writing anaylsis, extrapolated who knew what about me, and even had a theory involving a mathematical equation of working out your true initials from QW. But your 'same age' comment makes me think again - although I have no idea how old you think I am. 8-/

      Positive outlook's good, sweaty splutter less so... must thank auntie from Adelaide (actually brother from Armitage - where the wash basins come from).

      Hmm, cunning plans huh? First off, I'm enjoying the intrigue and a wee bit scared of escalation. Also I'm more comfortable writing than other kinds of communication, however gregarious I seem (I famously worked daily on the Poetry24 site for over a year without ever communicating with my co-editor by any means other than email!).

      But I suppose anyone at all could turn up at World Book Night tomorrow in the library, which will - quite literally - be a free for all. And if the moment seemed right they could say hello. Or something.

      Delete
  10. Hi Clare,

    QW are just the first two letters on the keyboard. That's it. I began using them when I first gave comments to another blog, when I wished to remain anonymous. I thought I would do the same with your blog. I would be interested to read the physical description of the person you thought I was and what you learned from the handwriting analysis.

    My cunning plan No.2 would not have entailed you having to speak to me for any length of time. Would you be okay with a prolonged conversation?

    Actually, it would be fun if I turned up tomorrow and let you pick me out. No more than three picks, though! (I just hope the place isn't full of blonds, women and the less-tall. That would take away some of the challenge.)

    Are you still at your computer now? It is 11.35. I'll log back in at 11.40 and every ten minutes after that until 12.00. We can continue this conversation live, if you wish.

    QW



    ReplyDelete
  11. Well, Clare, it looks like you're either in bed or out on the tiles. It has now passed 12.00 and no reply.

    I'll assume that for the WBN event you won't want to follow the 'Clare hits on three likely men' scenario, so I will say hello. What time does it start?

    Just to avoid confusion, my opening gambit will be:

    'I only heard about this today. It's quite crowded.'

    See you tomorrow/tonight.

    QW

    P.S. I think you are 21, am I close?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sorry I missed you earlier. I wasn't on the tiles.

    I say 'analysis' I mean I looked at the library joining card of the person I thought you were and it looked similar. I'm not Cracker or anything. I quite liked your three guesses plan, although it has the capacity to get me into all sorts of trouble.

    As for your opening gambit plan, I'd have expected something more prosaic from you. A true statement that any number of people might say in all innocence could lead to (a) embarrassing cases of mistaken identity or (b) not really being registered.

    I think it starts at 5.30. I only usually work until 5.45 on Tuesdays but have offered to hang around, though I'm not technically needed. Also, we're venturing outdoors for the giveaway. I don't know where I'll be. If I'm not around I'll have got cold feet and run away! But at least you'll still get your free book, eh?

    21? Very cagey answer to serious question. No cigar for you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oops. That sounded a bit snappy dudn't it? That's what happens when I wake up at 3am. Crabby, even, instead of a more whelk-come witty banter.

    And I didn't answer your question. The person I thought you were is tall and slim, but in their sixties. That's what flummoxed me. I'm having to go through all the borrowers in my head now and I do witter on to a LOT of people!

    ReplyDelete
  14. P.s. I did give this event a big push on FB though, so there's likely to be quite a few of my chums knocking around - I might get a bit 'bunny in the headlights'. Also, may need some Red Bull by that stage, so make that 'mad bunny in the headlights'. You have been warned.

    ReplyDelete
  15. P.p.s. even if your comments don't appear here, I get them by email, by the way, because I have comment moderation on older posts and I see emails on my Batberry

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi Clare,

    The way you put it, this has all the hallmarks of a disaster waiting to happen for any of multiple reasons. Put your mind at rest, I'm not going to show up, which is a pity because it could have been a melange of cunning plans 2 and 3. I think melange is the word I'm looking for. I'm pretty sure it isn't blancmange.

    You went through the card system!!!!!!!!!!

    I didn't realise I was dealing with Chief Inspector Morse!

    It would be interesting to discover if I made the final five of your chief suspects.

    Regarding the bats in your emails. Do you like just Bat-girl or are you a Bat-man fan too, because I can get a costume...

    Hope your day goes well.

    QW

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi Clare,

    You are right, the introduction of blancmange into a relationship (if you'll pardon the presumption)can only be a good thing. I have similar affection towards custard and whipping cream (down girl).

    Batman WAS awful. I don't know why the reviews were so positive. I was brought up on a miscellany of comics and discovered American Comics in the early 70s. I was a fan of Marvel comics (Spider-man, Avengers)rather than DC, who produce Batman and Superman. If I were to be a superhero, it would be The Thing from Fantastic Four. Rugged-ish on the outside, a big softie underneath.

    So, the obvious question is, apart from Batgirl, who would you be, and why?

    The password I chose was designed to be said to you while you were standing in the middle of a crowd without attracting undue attention. I could, of course, have brought a loudhailer and declared myself Clare's secret admirer at thirty decibels, and watched the faces react. Hmmm, put that down as a possibility for a future option.

    Now for the tightrope walk without a net. I'm going to go for that cigar. What is Clare's age?

    Okay, here goes.

    This is it.

    Can I just say that this is a complete guess. I've gleaned some stuff from your blog but I haven't scoured the records at Somerset House and I absolutely haven't trawled through any library records!

    Okay. Deep breath.

    And think of all the guesses I could have come up with. You have to give me points if I am anywhere close.

    Right then.

    And, I only do this because you asked. If we are still communicating in twenty years time and, hopefully, we have moved on to face to face communication, you are not allowed to yell at me and tell me I was always a bastard because I thought you were x years old when you were actually x minus one years old.

    So, the moment of truth.

    Is 16th September 1963 the card you chose?

    Please don't be angry.

    Hope I haven't spoiled your day.

    QW

    P.S. If you would like a live chat after 11.00 tonight, let me know.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello Q

    World Book Night wasn't as busy as expected, and someone of your create abilities could have snuck in the the thing about the Thing into an innocent conversation (no-one would have been expecting you - I haven't repeated any of this to anyone. The only reason my colleagues know of a secret admirer is because said admirer left attention-grabbing packages on the returned fiction trolley.) And actually, you could do the loud-hailer if you wanted. It was your sensibilities I was trying to protect really, I think.

    I'll stick with Batgirl, I think: demure library assistant with secret depths. And special powers. And I'd kind of like one of those costumes, too...

    Ahem.

    Age-wise, I bet you think you're the super-sleuth now but you're six months out and there's really no excuse. The year is on the 'person' bit of my main website and if you type 'birthday' into the 'search this blog' above you get the date! Still no cigar.

    We could chat, yes. I don't think anyone will be reading this. Or I could give you a mobile number to text. I don't like phones really, but I'm ok with texting.

    After 11? Are you out on the tiles? There never was a Catman was there? I'm the only library assistant that ever existed that didn't own a cat.

    So anyway... when did we last actually speak? Is it since you started all this?

    C

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Clare,

    I too am happier talking on this page.

    I could answer your question in two ways. I could say that since I dropped off the gift bag we have spoken only once or twice. Alternatively, I could give you detail of what was said and, I think, you would remember me.

    Your birthday was in February/March time? What a pity I missed it.

    Perhaps I am being hypersensitive but when you say 'We could chat, yes.' I detect a certain reluctance. I don't want you to feel coerced into anything.

    As to my being on the tiles, no, not guilty, m'lud. I watched some footy on the telly until about 9.30 and then logged back on here. I'll be going to bed about 12.00.

    I'll log back on at 11.00 to see if you are here. If you are not here, that's okay.

    By the way, in all the confusion, I estimated you to be six months younger than you really are. That must be worth a panatella.

    Bye for now.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's a tricky one. If you give me easy clues (like memorable conversations) and I remember you it kind of spoils the game. And if I don't remember, you may be offended.

    On some levels, I quite like not knowing. But then again... oh I don't know.

    ReplyDelete
  21. But I can buy you a present.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thank you.

    That's a week from today. I can feel a mystery package about to be discovered somewhere in the library!

    I'll not reveal anything about our conversation unless you ask me to. Also I'll not make myself known unless you okay it first. However, what I am afraid of is that you may have an idealised person in your mind who is perfect in every way and it will be difficult to live up to perfection.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry about the delay... typical writer I'm re-reading, cutting, over-editing. Now it sounds a bit short and sharp... ah well...

      On the contrary. Only imaginary people can be perfect. I expect you to not be ideal at all. And ideal for what? We're just talking here. It's all imaginary at the moment.

      You should make yourself known if and when you choose to. Now if you like. It depends what you aimed to achieve with the mysteriousness. I suspect you've already achieved it.

      Btw you need to be aware that another package would rekindle the speculation. I don't mind if you don't. I can be discreet when necessary but at the same time I don't mind the attention. It's your shout.

      Delete
  23. Further to the above, I was thinking of suggesting Star Wars Day as April 1st mark 2. You know, May The Fourth: Be with you.

    Is that something you could manage? By all means just say no if you don't want to meet.

    I have written this before you have replied to the previous text, just so you know.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't do 4th May. But I can't not meet you now can I?

      I'm just thinking...

      Delete
  24. Again written before your reply to previous.

    I thought we were on the same wavelength, but perhaps I was mistaken. I was hoping that something would evolve from the text, but you seem to imply that it is just a game/imaginary. Should I go away?

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry - I'm very straight-talking and it comes out a bit aggressive sometimes, so I'm told.

      What I mean is I don't know who you are. And you don't really know me. We can only conjecture - so yes, it's imaginary. It's like a story on a page. I'm on the 'I'm flattered and intrigued by who has sought my attention in this way' wavelength.

      And you can't say it isn't a game, with the mystery parcels and the cryptic clues, puns and banter. You made it into a game. I like games.

      also...


      Delete
  25. Hi Clare,

    written before reply to earlier text.

    As I said earlier, don't feel obliged to meet. I think I have misunderstood. Unless you say otherwise, I'll disappear.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ARE hypersensitive aren't you? When I say 'I can't not meet' I don't mean I feel obliged, more that I am intrigued and it would be frustrating not to.

      Delete
    2. And I'm supposed to the wordsmith, the clear communicator *sigh* ... but then I am quite tired and it's past both our bedtimes.

      Delete
  26. Hi Clare, I'll write again tomorrow. Sorry for the misunderstanding of 'I can't not meet'.

    Good night,

    Q

    ReplyDelete
  27. Go on - tell me what we talked about last time we met...

    ReplyDelete
  28. I asked you what was happening in part of the library and you told me it was a meeting about potty priors and mad monks.

    I'll stick around a bit longer if you want to carry on.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn! I sort of remember saying that but I don't remember who i said it to.... I do talk a LOT. Damn. That's no help at all.

      Any distinguishing features 9apart from the aforementioned complete and utter lack of a green mole?

      Delete
    2. Or books... what kind of books do you take out?

      Delete
  29. I could just come in with my loudhailer.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
  30. I just felt like Batman when his secret identity has been revealed but then it turns out it hasn't.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was a really busy day, Mad Monks. Lots of people - most of them disappointed if I remember correctly. Not the best speaker we've had and i did the poster - which made it look fun

      Delete
  31. My sub conscious may have unearthed something. Are you more of a Mr P than a Mr E (see what I did there?) and does one of my colleagues think it's you because you asked her where I was when I wasn't around for a few weeks?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hello again.

    I am afraid you are on the wrong path. I remain only a mystery. I don't know what a myst-herpy is but it sounds like little known s.t.d. as in 'Doctor, I think I might have Myst-herpies.' X-)

    (I have used an X as a mask in my emoticon so you can't recognise me. I mention this just in case you thought I had:

    1.gone completely mad,
    2.hit the wrong key, or
    3.had a strange X shaped mole that I had failed to mention earlier.

    So, I'm not either of your first two guesses. Do you want three more?

    Hope your poetry evening goes well.

    Q



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's at times like this that I wish I was one of those people that remember everything - who said what and when and what they were wearing. I have a terrible visual memory. I can remember having a conversation about mad monks at the computer by the phone. But I really don't remember who with. Then I thought it was Mr P with the son in Africa, and who probably doesn't really need a loud hailer.

      *Goes back to old drawing board*

      Delete
    2. But I'm pretty sure it was somebody I like chatting to - so that's good isn't it?

      Delete
    3. p.s. Who IS the masked man?

      Delete
  33. Don't be too hard on yourself. It was only a fleeting two sentence conversation among many in a day/week/etc.

    I'm currently wracking my brains for that gift. I like buying presents. Don't most people? So you'll find me hard to dissuade. I know you are a chocolate-y Clare (get it?) but we've been down that route already. Hmmm more thinking needed.

    Best wishes.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why don't you write me another poem instead? You have no idea how many poets I know and I don't think anyone ever wrote me a poem before... with the exception of David Bateman, but he was being facetious.

      Go on - give me another clue before I guess again. What do you mainly borrow or do in the library? What provoked you to do the Valentine's thing?

      Delete
  34. I will reply to your latest message in the near future, but first, I have done some more wracking and, though I am a great believer in home made presents, I don't think I have the time to do a poem justice. And besides, I think I may have come up with an answer.

    I have in mind a music CD from the mid 70s to mid 80s period. Please tell me, do you have an aversion to any of the following (they are all on the CD): power ballads, love songs, foot tappers, slow sad songs, haunting atmospheric songs, songs of everyday life. It is pop/rock music.

    If it doesn't sound like something you'd like, I'll think again. Also, are there any artists or bands you either love or hate, so I can get a handle on your taste in music.

    Next up: another clue, what I do in the library - apart from skulking around planting Valentine gifts and such, and what provoked the Valentine's Day drama.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like an eclectic range of music and there's nothing I really hate all examples of.

      Just looking at my faves in iTunes they tend to be lyric-led and/or interesting tunes (not mad about wishy washy pop but I like a good song!): The Animals, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, David Bowie, Elbow, James, Leonard Cohen, Pink Floyd, and especially Tom Waits. Fave songs? Bitter Sweet Symphony, Eerie Canal, Sit Down, Wish You Were Here... ooh, just thought - I could write a poem comprised entirely of favourite song titles.... *sharpens virtual pencil*

      Delete
  35. Back again.

    I mainly borrow novels from the library, usually of the detective and crime variety. I have from time to time borrowed some science fiction, humour, general fiction and others.

    What provoked Valentine? Well you did, you saucy temptress, you! There I was happily ignorant, borrowing a book, reading it, taking it back, borrowing another one, etc. You get the drift. Then one say this vision in front of me (that's you) said something (I won't say what because it might give the game away) that was nothing but a nice, positive comment. You didn't have to say it, but you did, out of sheer positiveness.

    Well, it is true what they say. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. It doesn't matter whether you find yourself looking an idiot, if you have an overwhelming feeling that you would like to know someone better, you have to act. So I did.

    It was your niceness what done it. I hope you now have a warm glow all over because you deserve it.

    Q

    P.S. If only I hadn't tried to be so clever last night, I might have had more success in the age guessing fiasco. If I had simply said 49, surely you would have had to hand out the best of cigars. You wouldn't have said 'sorry chum its 48 years and 51 weeks. It's forevermore the doghouse for you,' would you?



    ReplyDelete
  36. Okay, you may have holed my idea below the waterline. I was thinking of Springsteen. Do you have many of his albums?

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erm - Born in the USA, Magic, Devils & Dust, The Essential, We Shall Overcome (my personal favourite, although Born in USA is the classic). Was there an album called Nebraska as well as the song (I LOVE that song!)? I'm sure I used to have more of his earlier stuff too, but that may have been on cassette.

      Good choice! 8-)

      Delete
  37. Well, you did ask. Did you expect me to reveal that it was the expert and efficient way you stamped my book?

    There is a reason for September 16th and I may reveal it one day.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do stamp them expertly, though, don't I? Except when I drop them all.

      No, I only asked because it just hasn't happened before.

      Delete
  38. I only have one Tom Waits album, Rain Dogs. My favourite track is Downtown Train. I love the spooky quality he gets into his songs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An excellent choice of album. Probably my favourite, but I think the best track is Jockey Full of Bourbon. Also I love 9th & Hennepin.... 'No-one brings anything small into a bar around here'. The man's a poet.

      Did you find in your travels the poem I won the Big Issue competition with - Rain Dog Man? It's kind of based on a Tom Waits character.

      Delete
  39. Do you mind if I come in on 30th and give you the present. I promise to behave myself, be quiet and not at all attract any undue attention.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No of course I don't mind. Like I say, I don't mind attracting attention, although I may seem more shy than usual (perversely it's easier to be relaxed with strangers). I don't know where I'll be - sometimes cover in the children's (which is very quiet in the daytime) or upstairs in the Ref. I usually have my break at 11am, lunch 12 -1, break at 3pm. Occasionally sent on relief to other branches but I'll plead birthday if they ask!

      Delete
  40. Oh, I don't know. It adds a certain frisson at work when at any moment an innocent-looking Borrower could declare themselves! I could as easily have the fun of picking you from a crowd of borrowers. But stopping by for 'a minute or two' as you suggested earlier doesn't leave space for much in the way of questions - or answers.

    Couldn't stay very long though.

    ReplyDelete
  41. OK, time for another guess... and I'm going back to your comment about something I said here. Does your first name begin with J and was what I said something to do with 100 Words?

    ReplyDelete
  42. And now I'm getting text messages from the person I first thought it was but had ruled out after your 'same age' comment. Are you SURE that isn't you? Can you just double check please?... my head's messed up enough as it is.

    ReplyDelete
  43. No it isn't me texting you.

    I'm not clear. Are you saying I couldn't stay long at the library because it would interfere with your work or you couldn't stay long at the Telegraph because you have plans for your birthday?

    I don't mind answering questions about me, but I was wondering whether you wanted to keep the mystery. I could remain Q, at least for a while longer - unless you realise that you know my real name.

    Sorry about the head messing thing. Only a few days to go. Would I be right if I predicted excited but a little bit scared? Me too. I'm hoping we can register somewhere on the Bat-Giddy-o-meter.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can stay as long as you want to in the library! It's a public service ;-)

      I meant the pub. I don't have plans for my birthday yet (how sad is that?) but I don't want to rule out the possibility of plans forming. Actually, previous to all of this, my Plan B if none had formed was to stay for the library quiz that night, but I had forgotten it in the excitement.

      Bat-Giddy-o-meter. I like that! Although it gave me a glimpse of a future where I'll be a... giddy old bat!! 8-)

      Delete
  44. Bearing in mind my previous message, do you want me to respond to your J/100 words question? I am more than happy to.

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Interesting.

      I can't help noticing that you have been swift in your denials after my earlier guesses... but not this time! Am I getting warm?

      I think it's only fair to tell me if I guess correctly, don't you? It's up to you. I can stand a few more days if you want to keep me dangling.

      Delete
  45. After I had prevaricated I realised that I hadn't done it before. Curses! If it hadn't been for those meddling kids!

    Does this J person have another initial? J is quite common in names.

    Q (for the time being)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Apologies for the delayed response and any inconvenience it may have caused. I was early for a pub-based meeting in Hoylake, inadvertently got a bit inebriated before it, and walking home from Hoylake was distracted by a magnificent sunset over Hilbre so took the scenic route.

    Hours later...

    So.... John... Don't quite get the Rumpelstiltskin (not well up on my classical references I'm afraid) comment, but never mind. I think I get the cigar now, don't I?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Hi there,

    Did you say that this J person had another initial? And what was the 100 word thingy? Was it insightful and witty yet also poignant?

    I need answers to these questions (well, at least the first one) before I can concede that you've won your cigar back.

    Yours clutching at straws,

    Q

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry - second name eludes me. S maybe?

      Re the 'thingy'. It was all of the above. I suspect I said as much at the time... which is where we came in.

      Delete
  48. Okay.

    I COULD raise some technical questions, but I'll let them pass.

    Would you like to give me the rundown on how you found me?

    J

    ReplyDelete
  49. Remember that weight? It's gone again.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  50. I now imagine you now re-enacting your library giddy picture.

    J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  51. I was going to ask if you felt the weight come off again!

    No sleuthing involved this time. I haven't looked at your borrower card because I'm not at work. OK, maybe some part of my subconscious pays more attention to who I talk to and what about, but I think it was when you said I'd said something nice unexpectedly I remembered making a comment about your entry and you seeming surprised and pleased at the time. Also, I know you write and you read crime etc. You more or less fit the minimal description given (although I don't think of you as 'dark' but like I say, I'm not that observant), your writing style has a formal/classical feel to it and you strike me as literate, if that's the right word. And maybe I got a sense that you liked me? I don't know. On the other hand you seem quite shy and un-ostentatious which didn't necessarily equate with overt Valentine shenangins.

    So I took a punt... Not bad, eh - in 4 guesses?

    But I've been through a lot of Borrowers in my head. Hard work!

    ReplyDelete
  52. It occurs to me that you may be thinking of someone else with the same name. I wouldn't like you to have an embarrassing meeting with someone else. I envisage a poor fellow being shaken by his lapels, dragged across the 'books in' counter because he denies all knowledge of a Springsteen CD.

    J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is entirely likely.

      So are we going to have to leave with me just thinking I know, while my subconscious ferrets around in the background for other Johns? (and you book was a bigger clue than I thought, after all!)

      I've just put my hands on the 100 Words booklet. John Stratford, Runner Up? Is that you.

      Delete
  53. Nope.

    Don't you love a story that finishes and you think the whole tale is tied up and then one final fleeting scene tells you it isn't. As you are exhausted I'll sign off - unless you want to add anything. If nothing appears in the next five minutes I'll assume you are asleep.

    Good night.

    J(not S)

    ReplyDelete
  54. Doh!

    I meant I'm exhausted from trying to guess.

    You do realise that I'll never look at any of these people quite the same again?

    It is John though? But John WHOOOOOOOOO?????

    ReplyDelete
  55. Night Sherlock. X-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, OK. I knew that wasn't right. Stratford is north the name of the John I was thinking of. And it wasn't a story, it was a poem, and it wasn't runner up it was highly commended. As I must have been close because you thought you'd been sussed.

      So... John M... 'who's final page halts midline ...'

      Delete
  56. Well done. The cigar is yours. Congratulations.

    Do you have just a name or a visual too?

    I have been to HMV in Birkenhead - and they have been shut down.
    Next stop was HMV in Liverpool - but they had a lamentable selection of Springsteen, so I haven't bought what I intended. But on a positive note, I have bought a Springsteen CD and a second present - which, as should be the case, will remain a mystery for now. You can guess if you want to, but I will flat out lie if you get anywhere close.

    Incidentally, you may like to know, John Alder were my maternal grandfather's two Christian names.

    Speak to you later?

    JM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I already had the visual yesterday, it was the name I buggered up! I looked in the 100words book and stopped at the first John I came to, but it didn't feel like I'd got the right name. This morning I went back to it and when I got to the end and saw your name it came back to me!

      Don't worry, I'm not doing any more guessing now. Phew!

      Delete
    2. p.s. I'm meeting my Missionary Uncle (who sounds even more than your Auntie from Adelaide) who is home from the Congo for tea* and then it's Roger McGough tonight. Will log in later.

      *He's not come from the Congo just for tea, you understand.

      Delete
  57. Just a note to say that if you do want to guess, the mystery object cost less than a tenner - to give you a ballpark idea.

    I didn't want to experience:

    Oooh ooh, is it a diamond tiara?
    Oooh, is it a gold necklace?
    Ooh, is it a Lamborghini?

    No, it's an A4 refill pad. Hope you like it...

    Oh.

    JM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm embarrassed that you've bought me stuff. You didn't have to do that. *blushes*

      Delete
  58. An aside here for those historians who have stumbled across this page and didn't have the sensibility to stop reading at 'discombobulated'. This is 2013. Before the global crash of 2016. Ten pounds was a LOT OF MONEY in those days!!

    JM

    ReplyDelete
  59. Of course, future historians won't be able to read this on account of the fact that we will have run out of energy in 2015. Or five past eleven in my case.

    This wine should perk me up.

    ReplyDelete
  60. It appears that you've been pretty much everywhere. Have you been to the Natural History Museum in London? I think it is a T. Rex they have in one of their their main rooms. Archeologists found the largest dinosaur ever a few years back. It makes you wonder what else might be underground. I don't know enough about natural history, but an interesting story could centre around what is found at greater depths, beneath the dinosaurs, where there may be even larger monsters from earlier periods - or perhaps a talking chimpanzee doll.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  61. 'a talking chimpanzee doll' - is that some obscure classical reference or are you talking Planet of the Apes?

    Nevertheless, it's a story waiting to be written. The only other thing I ever wrote involving dinosaurs was about one who was brought back to life and became a fashion icon. It was called 'The Next Big Thing'. It still needs a little work.

    ReplyDelete
  62. 'Silly answers to serious questions, a specialty'

    ReplyDelete
  63. Yes, it was POA, the first and probably best of the series in my opinion.

    Fashion and archeology, an unusual mix. Joss Weadon (Buffy, but I'm sure you knew that anyway) seems to specialise in strange bedfellows. Buffy was brilliant, Serenity was watchable, as was his Avengers film, but I haven't seen cabin in the woods. It appeared to be a bit derivative from Buffy. Have you seen it?

    ReplyDelete
  64. I don't watch much telly. I liked what I saw of Buffy and will catch up one day (a friend has all the series) but I don't know the others, sorry. But I do like speculative stuff!

    Some of the best ideas come strange bedfellows - or miss-hearing things e.g. one of my poems came from me miss-hearing 'Science Museum' as 'Silence Museum'.

    ReplyDelete
  65. If my turning up is the cause of fretting, I don't want you to have an anxious birthday waiting for me to arrive. I'll come in today and you can then have a peaceful day tomorrow. Let me know you have received this so I don't appear out of the blue today.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  66. Okay, I'm assuming that you aren't there at the moment. So I'll revert back to visiting the library at 5.00 tomorrow.

    Please be assured there is nothing to fret about. I really don't bite, unless requested. I will be there for no more than two minutes. The last thing I want to do is spoil your birthday.

    Best wishes.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  67. Ohew - although I can see your comments as emails on my phone this is the first chance I've had to reply! It's too hard to use the internet on the Blackberry, I can't respond on work computers and the system has been down most of the day on the public ones. I've snuck on my boss's one in the back office.

    I've got training upstairs until 5pm and will be on a break for half an hour some time between 5pm and 6.30pm but here til 8pm.

    It's just a bit trepidatious. I don't even know if that's a word. I also invented another word this week: be'cardiganned.

    send me more comments to brighten up my training if you like!! And come in if you want to - I thought you might anyway.

    ttfn
    C

    ReplyDelete
  68. I will come in at about 7.15. I'll try to be there for just two minutes, you need not say or do anything. I will find a way to leave your presents for you. I'm sorry if I have caused such discomfort.

    Speak to you again later?

    Oh, and no peeking until tomorrow!

    J

    ReplyDelete
  69. I imagine you are either still on your way home or you have just arrived home and you're going to have your dinner. I don't want to upset you digestion, I've probably done enough of that in recent times, so I will just say that it was nice to really speak with you and I'm having a plaque made for that book shelf where we met. I'm going for a walk and I will write again later, probably about 10.00.

    Bye for now.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  70. OK, a few replies to your previous comments above - but I'm putting them all here so you don't miss 'em:

    1. You're not going to 'spoil' my birthday unless you're planning to be completely reprehensible

    2. When I said 'fret' I just meant this is on my mind - and doubtless yours. Didn't mean it particularly negatively

    3. I'm actually really enjoying this - it adds a certain frisson to the day when you don't know if your secret admirer is going to turn up at any moment. So please don't worry about me being 'anxious'. I've done anxiety and this is a different thing.

    4. Two minutes isn't enough for a conversation, is it? But I think we both got shy - especially you! ;-) - somewhere between naval forces and social welfare.

    5. You seemed to be unsure about tomorrow? I would like to have a proper conversation but I'm aware it was my idea - is that outside your comfort zone?

    6. I haven't peeked.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Hello again.

    1. Please define 'completely'

    2. I WAS afraid that 'fret' was negative, and I am aware that up to now this whole experience has been at my instigation, and was concerned you may have felt uncomfortable.

    3. I'm glad you are enjoying it. I'm enjoying it too.

    4. A first real meeting can be awkward. I think we did really well.

    5. The only reason why I was unsure was because the idea of meeting today was to give you a peaceful, carefree day tomorrow. Are we still on for The Telegraph at 6.00?

    6. Good, I follow a strictly no peeking policy.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  72. 1. No

    2. I feel less uncomfortable now I know who you are.

    3. Good

    4. I was a bit bunny in the headlights - but then I did warn you!

    5. That's thoughtful, but it was my idea, and I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't want to meet. Telegraph not written in stone, though, just nearest. Could try the new Wetherspoons on the prom? Or whatever you think...

    6. Good job I didn't peek before I got the Policy Guidelines.


    ReplyDelete
  73. Regarding no.5, I am quite open to suggestions. I haven't been to The Telegraph in ages and not been to Wetherspoons at all. Shall we try the one I assume we both know, The Telegraph?




    ReplyDelete
  74. Night.

    Sleep well.

    J

    ReplyDelete
  75. I still haven't peeked... Might leave it til later! Sorry if you felt you had to bring it yesterday because you thought I was 'discomforted'. Where you going to try and sneak it onto the trolley again? That's got to take some bottle! Really, don't worry about me - I'm not exactly a shrinking violet. Although I do like the subterfuge and last night was better for that with fewer and less observant colleagues than today - of course you can always come in and just borrow books!
    Laters

    ReplyDelete
  76. TRY to sneak it on to the trolley? How can you doubt my powers of legerdemain and skullduggery. I believe I have a 100% success record so far - though to tell the truth I felt that I could have been spotted at the first attempt when one of your colleagues suddenly appeared from the private, 'staff only' part of the library. Fortunately, they couldn't have been really looking in my direction. You can read more about it in my next book, 'Confessions of a sneak gift dropper offer'. I was more careful the second time, but that's another story...

    See you at 6.00 inside The Telegraph. Shall we meet in the conservatory, if it is still there?

    J

    P.S. I'm glad you haven't peeked because I have just remembered something I forgot to say yesterday. I inadvertently left the price sticker on your mystery present. Please make every effort not to look. Did I mention I have a strictly no prices on presents policy?

    ReplyDelete
  77. P.s. Thank you again for the gifts.

    ReplyDelete
  78. P.p.s. yes, I'm still fretting a bit

    ReplyDelete
  79. Hello again.

    Of course I'm still here. I'm just composing my next message, but I thought I would make contact so you know I haven't disappeared.

    J

    ReplyDelete