Think you're funny?

Laugh? I nearly died.
There are no clowns in my book, but plenty of coffins

This is a serious post about being funny... but there are some jokes at the end.

I was thinking about being funny when I posted about doing stand-up the other day. Like I said, they weren't exactly rolling in the aisles - wrong material / wrong audience maybe?

People tell me I'm funny. It's one of the things I aspire to be (being funny and being liked: my two aims in life - how needy is that?) But if the occasional quip falls on stony faces I begin to doubt my powers to amuse.

I've been working a lot on my novel-in-progress lately - a lighthearted romp involving a little trouble with Big Society, planning department shenanigans and the undead. And last weekend I finally allowed a good - but critical, discerning and ruthless - friend to read the first half. How many times have you seen a book described as 'laugh out loud funny' but it barely raises a titter? Imagine my delight to hear my friend laughing out loud at my book, my baby. Don't worry - it is supposed to be funny! But it's easy to lose faith when you are the only one to have read something, and humour is subjective.

Meanwhile on Twitter there was a meme where people shared their favourite short joke. Here are some of the ones I liked the best, which gives you a clue as to the sort of humour to expect :

1. My wife bet me I couldn't build a car from spaghetti. Imagine her face when I drove pasta...
2. I bought ten tonnes of Tippex the other day... big mistake!
3. I just spilled glue all over my autobiography - that's my story and I'm sticking to it!
4. Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other... "How do you drive this thing?"
5. What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? Wonkey
6. "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a moth." "Sorry, mate, this is a solicitor's, not a doctor's surgery." "I know, but your light was on."
7. How do you titillate an ocelot?  Oscillate its tits a lot
8. What's gray, wrinkly and hangs out your granddads pajamas? Your grandma.
9. Why did the baker have brown hands? Cos he kneaded a poo.
10. (gotta have a library joke) Man walks into library: Can I have fish & chips please? Librarian: This is a library. Man whispers: Can I have fish &..