My brother is a lawyer. He's big in mediation. Who'd have thought those interminable verbal battles with a troublesome little sister would hone the skills for alternative dispute resolution? It makes me proud.
My brother recently mentioned he'd been at a legal conference where participants were asked to come up with examples of a grudge. He chose the half a fish finger story.
Mum was always scrupulously fair - equal shares for both of us. Is there anything as precisely measured as the piece of cake halved under her King Solomon-like 'one of you cuts it, the other chooses' principle? Her system of social justice has had repercussions in both our lives. I have, for example, never considered myself inferior by reason of gender. But both of us then arrived fresh-faced in adulthood with unreasonable expectations that life would continue in the same spirit of equality and fair play.
In retrospect it perhaps wasn't as fair as it seemed - my brother was two years older than me, and bigger. He probably could have done with a bigger share. But still, when mum gave him an extra fish finger one day (I was about ten) I was incensed. And I never forgot. My final words on so many subsequent arguments were: '...and half a fish finger!' For years, decades, I held it up as an example of hideous unfairness, persecution, favouritism... and probably the main reason that he ended up at an Oxbridge college and became a proper professional person and I... well, I didn't.
Although, two of my poems are circulating within family law circles - check out 'Weapons' on The Mediation Centre website - so I'm there in spirit... and they said at his conference that mine was a 'perfect example of a grudge'.
... unless you have a better one?
No I don't.
ReplyDeleteYou look very angelic in the photo. Clearly you haven't changed at all.
Haha! You just reminded me to put a caption on that pic!
DeleteYour mother probably too a Birds Eye view of the dispute.
ReplyDeleteShe would always findus arguing!
DeleteIt's shocking to discover that, for years, decades, you held it up as an example of hideous unfairness, persecution, favouritism... Who'd have thought?
ReplyDeleteIf you're brother was unaffected, it's not surprising. I've worked with a few lawyers, and they're quite used to getting the extra finger...especially when a case goes badly.
History draws a veil over what happened to the other half!
DeleteNo better grudge, but memories of my mother carefully counting out the strawberries. And I am reminded of one of her friends, who cut a slice from a cake and proferred the plate to the gardener. He took the cake and left the slice.
ReplyDeleteNo grudges that I can remember, but my mother was (and is) always careful to be scrupulously fair between me and my sister; the same now goes for her 4 grandchildren. My motto with my own kids has always been 'fair but not necessarily equal.'
ReplyDeleteHmmm... veering towards the Orwellian there. I wonder if George Orwell actually had a Big Brother?... to be discussed
DeleteShould you ever come to dinner at my house, I'm giving you an extra portion. :) Just to be safe.
ReplyDeleteWe were packing to come home to England from 2 years in Singapore when I was a 6 year old and my little sister was 4. We had these 3 feet high packing cases in the room and my sister, a little imp, got herself into one,fell awkwardly and hurt her arm. I remember her being given some hot chocolate as she screamed about how much her arm hurt, and thinking how unfair it was, seeing as it was all her fault for trying to climb into the damn thing herself. I'm not bitter. Honestly. I'm not. Not bitter at all. I'm not. Honest.
ReplyDelete