I wish I'd started this post when I first began sending out poems and stories for publication. But here are a few little gems I've found in submission guidelines recently for your delectation - you may even want to send some of your writing to these markets ...
"Please no poetry, we don’t understand it." The Safety Pin Review (short fiction)
"750 or fewer words. Weird. Surprising. Preferably no elves." Brain Harvest
"We’re just not the best market for doom-laden go-nowhere stories which push the boundaries of the English language into new and unfortunate places." Andromeda Spaceways In-flight Magazine
"We're not looking for poetry. Feel free to submit limericks. We won't publish them, but we might read them. Limericks are cool." Crowded Magazine (Who also need to be clear on this point: "No purple midgets, gay pirates, or unicorns. Actually, that's a lie. If you have a great story about a unicorn-riding purple midget battling a fleet of gay pirates, drop it in the queue. Really. We don't see enough of that kind of thing.")
And finally, two favourites from Short, Fast and Deadly:
"We're pretty sure our mothers read this page. Yours might too. We don't mind if she flinches a bit but we don't want her keeling over or anything."
"No Haiku! For the love of God. No Haiku."
Let me know if you come across any other good ones... I feel this may turn into a regular feature!
p.s. And of course, the best place to find out the best places to send your submissions to is the excellent free writer's database and submission tracker called Duotrope which I can't recommend highly enough