Monday, 22 March 2010

National Double Entendre Week

Sorry to be bouncing off Moptop again, but her recent post which was (broadly) on the subject of euphemisms reminded me that it's that time of year again - when we thrust ourselves enthusiastically into the general spurting of thinly veiled obscenity that is National Double Entendre Week.

It seems to me that there's a thin line between euphemism and double entendre, and its even naughtier cousin innuendo.  I'm no expert in cunning linguistics  but I imagine Moptop's new best chum InkyFool could show us a thing or two.  But I do enjoyed getting my tongue around something risque now and then - it's one of my little foibles.  For example, I've just come back from an event at Toast in West Kirby where during my  slot my 'Road Rage' poem went down well.  I'm particularly proud of the line:  Girlie young things find it hard to be nippy / when they're stroking their Volvos and doing their lippy.

Some old favourites:

  • A man encountered a woman on a  cliff-top path too narrow for them to pass on - he couldn't decide whether to toss himself off or block her passage.
  • Then there's the story of the three volunteers late at the sperm bank: two missed the Tube and one came on the bus.
  • Oh, and didn't Chris Tarrant say, discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

And sports commentators are famed for them:

  • Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
  • Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
  • Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions." (More of these here.)

The trouble with double entendres is, once you let one go everything takes on a lewd second meaning and you start sniggering at the most innocuous of comments.

It helps if you are able to raise an eyebrow suggestively.This is harder than it looks. If you can't get it up or keep it erect you can resort to adding the phrase 'as the actress said to the bishop' to flag up your wit (or 'Phnar, phnar' if you are Uncultured).  There's even a campaign for an 'as the actress said to the bishop' button on Facebook.

So anyway - the possibilities are spread before you. It's National Double Entendre Week. Go on - slip one in, you know you want to.


  1. This post is hard to follow - is that a triple entendre?

    Debate rages as to whether the cricket commentator ever actually said The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy.

    In our world, dear BB, the commentator couldn't possibly have said anything else!

  2. P.S. Has that angel got a massive pair of hooters?

  3. I've never been any good at double entendres, unless it was during my courtship with my soon to be husband. For some reason everything we said led back to sex. :o)

    Go figure.

  4. Ooh Matron! As we always say when there's a double entrende in the house.

    I was going to slip one in but I'm easily embarrassed so I won't.

  5. Uncle Marvo!!!! This is an unexpected visit. How's Aunt Fanny?

    And yes, Moptop - that angel has got a massive pair of hooters. I'm glad you POINTED THEM OUT. I found the pic on an old bagpipe site - it's some kind of linguistic gag I think but I couldn't GET TO GRIPS with it.

  6. I am only here to laugh - couldn't begin to one-up you or any of your equally clever comment-makers. Wonderful image, very funny post. I've seen you out and about in other places and....whatever else I was going to say will not be said as I'm worried I'll make a double-entendre and not realize it. I could sense one coming on. And not that's not one. Oh god. Good bye.

  7. I once overheard one American post graduate telling another that "I really love your penis tree", which intrigued me until the follow-up sentence about how it was much more interesting than American history.