Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The Bruise - Day 3

If you think my bruised bum was bad on Monday - look at it now!

I haven't had one this bad since I was married.

Don't worry - I'm not going to post pics of my bum every day. I did get a lot of interest on Facebook (now retitled Buttockbook) on this issue, but I'm not sure I've had quite enough sympathy yet.

No flowers? No chocolate?

I bet I even get rejected by

p.s. Still no flowers or chocolate, but a MrKenyon has written me this:

Stop the presses - hold the news
Clare has got a massive bruise
Was it painful? - did she moan?
Has Rupert Murdoch hacked her phone?
A story for us all to share
Clare lost out
To a Garden Chair


  1. I feel your pain! If the bruise has come out this much, then hopefully you're over the worst of it.

    I will eat some chocolates on your behalf.....

  2. There was a young lady called Clare
    Who photographed her derriere
    Those viewing her thigh
    Let out a strange cry,
    And needed some tea and fresh air

  3. OMG. I'm sure there's a map of some foreign country in that bruise! OMG. I'm sure there's a map of some foreign country in that bruise!

  4. Is this the sequel to Le genou de Claire?

  5. I can't work out if it looks more like the profile of a curly haired woman, or a snapshot of a small explosion. I hope this comment doesn't prompt any strange dreams.

  6. Martin - gosh, thanks Martin - that'll really 'help'.

    superfluous - hello. superfluOUCH more like!

    Vicus - Thank you

    Ellie - I thought that too. I thought that too. And now I'm hearing double.

    Dave - If so, it's plus interessant than the original which was very d├ęcevant

    Martin - I don't need any prompts for strange dreams. I dreamed I had a dog who was standing on its hind legs in the sink doing the washing up the other night. How could it, with no opposable thumbs?

  7. You should totally submit that bruise to
    Your bruise is far superior to that insignificant little 'bunny' bruise or whatever it was, although I will admit the 'goal' guy's and 'map of Africa' guy's were both spectacular.

    Do love everyone's bruise-inspired poetry!

  8. That's a bruiser of a bruise all right.

  9. OMG Clare... what were you doing!?

  10. MsCaroline - I did but I think they went out of bruisiness!

    Susan Scheid - perhaps I should be working on the Black and Blue Blues... or has that been done?

    Clare (and Gary, who would have yelped) - standing on a plastic chair when the leg fell off... luckily the stump of it broke my fall or I would have landed in nice soft soil!

  11. It's almost a perfect match with the duvet cover in the background. Well organised or what? Anyway, my husband's bruise (fell in the shower and cracked his rib on the edge of the bath) is almost black. Yours looks like it's going that way.

  12. Yikes, what a bruise!

    Love the last two lines of that poem!

  13. Vicus, discountenanced, demands fresh air and tea.
    Nowithstanding, if I had to choose
    Some uplifting beverage to restore me
    I'd go for the uplift that is Irn Bru's.

    *scampers off and hides in cupboard under stairs*

  14. Fran - in that case I need to change the cover now for something in yellow and green!

    Theresa - My bruise is the muse!

    Christopher - Aha! I've got you 'at it' now! To paraphrase the old sign:

    Black and blue's the sitting place of Clare
    But reading this you may reach the conclusion
    No gallant gentleman, would ever dare
    To face this bum and end all the contusion!

    *gets coat*

  15. That is getting worse the longer I look at it...

  16. Jinksy - As long as it doesn't get longer the worse you look at it!