The 70's called - they want their Noddy back

Noddy Holder, the famous cow top and me

After a lengthy hiatus, I seem to be back in circulation. For the last few months (years?) I have talked myself out of various soirees, forays, sorties and shindigs, but this week I have raised my head over the parapet that is my own settee, not once but twice!

Last night I was invited to the opening of Tate Liverpool's new 'Glam' exhibition*. In my 'what will I wear?' frenzy I discovered that my white, gold-studded 'Elvis' pants now fit me (they never have before!) but, in a nod to middle age, eschewed them for something more demur... my cow top. The arty types of Merseyside had gathered to peruse Bowie memorabilia, stroke their chins at images of androgyny and generally mingle under the lights of the glitter ball. It was great to see some poetry chums of yore (oh alright, of mine) but the highlight was meeting the very personable Noddy Holder of Slade! Groovy!

This was hot on the heals of a return to the Dead Good Poets Society open floor the previous night. I was prompted by seeing the lovely mini-documentary in last week's Guardian travel section about Marcel Theroux writing and performing his first poem at the Dead Goods - it made me miss going there, and the people involved. Having said that, my new poem about dancing in the library (replete with tongue twisters and many actions required) was a DISAAAAAASTER darlings!

*Careful of that Tate link by the way - one of the three scrolling pictures on the front page is full frontal male nude! I didn't know where to put my face.

I call it 'research'

Fran has been writing in Being Me about looking up how to pick a lock (for plotting purposes!).

For the book I've just written I had to research how to vandalise a building site (scary but interesting), spells for bringing back the dead (and one for making them be dead again - which fyi are much harder to find) and the de-composure rate of corpses.  I have been building myself up to approaching a local undertaker and planning officer - and I don't know which one is the scarier prospect!

And this doesn't include all the stuff that you click on by accident ("...officer"). A friend of mine was looking doing some research about land contaminated with heavy metals. She was quite surprised to be faced with Slipknot and Black Sabbath.

I suppose we must all be keeping 'the authorities' busy - they must have us under surveillance by now. *whistles innocently*.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever found yourself Googling?

[insert title here]

I need your help!

Over the last couple of years I've had a dozen or so very short stories published here and there (oh, and this one yesterday on 1000 words) and I'm hoping to bring out a collection of short fiction as an ebook. Trouble is, I'm really struggling to come up with a title.

Along with mistaken identity and a couple of domestic stories where somebody's earth shifts - or fails to - there are a couple of supernatural stories.  Common themes to them all are shifting reality, things or people seeming one thing but being another, uncertain ground, misconceptions.

My options are:

1. Come up with a title that encapsulates common themes but doesn't refer to a particular story. 'None of the above' seemed to fit
2. Choose a representative story's title as the collection title. 'Brother - killed by radiator' is the most intriguing title in the collection.
3. Think of a good, quirky title for it and write a brief story using that title

      

Other possible story titles I could use are: Kitchen Sink, Parallel Conservatory, Birdsong Tinitus, Prosthetic Granny...

Your thoughts, as ever would be welcome... any bright ideas, any of the covers or titles mentioned leap out as great or shite?

When page layouts go bad

Two stories that shouldn't share a page.
More headline & pic combos at Funny or Die.

Having worked on a newspaper and edited a good few newsletters (and, ok a bad few too), I aim to pay attention re what's next to what in a layout.

I've gathered for your delectation some examples of what happens when you don't - here are my favourite headline faux pas.

Unfortunate choice of pic from www.happyplace.com

Awkward placing of an advert

Awkward placing of advert #2

Finding Acceptance(s)

My (tiny) story is bottom left, click the link (below) for more

I have written before about unusual, griping or downright rude submission guidelines HERE and about subsequent cruel / kind / offhand rejections HERE

But I feel a whole new seam has opened up from the mouths of editors in the form of acceptances:

How about this for a recent acceptance from Penny Fiction at Haunted Waters (which I'm hoping is their standard acceptance blurb and they haven't just singled me out for such a begrudging 'yes' and churlish afterword):

"To my surprise, I found your story to be quite agreeable...... Now that I know what you are capable of, you have no excuses for submitting work of lesser quality in the future."

I should mention this is the first story I have submitted to this market so this is not a reflection on previous attempts!

I also had this from the editor of Green Prints (aka 'the weeder's digest') rejecting a poem she otherwise liked because elements of it: "...may offend people who do have such faith.  Why? I have no desire to and see no purpose in antagonizing them; many of them are good, loving people."  I know - you're thinking what the hell did I write? ... Suffice to say that of course she was right and after I made some simple revisions the poem has now been accepted. I'm not sure if the publication will be online but I'll flag it up if it is.

Is a rejection almost preferable to a grudging response or being held accountable for upsetting the readers? Nope.

Resolutions

"We're going to need a bigger spreadsheet"

"Two men look out through the same bars, one sees the mud... and one the stars."

In my last post I chose to only mention the 'best bits' of 2012 and let the worst bits go. It seems like a good philosophy to focus on the positives - when looking back and also when living each new day.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was telling me about the big list of things he was going after he retired from his main job the Friday before Christmas. The morning after his retirement, he died of a massive heart attack.

I'll say more about him next week when I can put some words together, but if nothing else, it makes you realise how precious time is, and if there are things you want to do you should be doing them now.

So my 2013 resolutions are mainly around being more focussed, better quality of life and - dare I say it? - legacy:

• Relax more (may involve yoga)
• Stop running over the same old ground
• Stop faffing about and procrastinating
• Spend more time actually writing*
• Get a collection out (poetry and or flash fiction)
• Live in the moment more
• Go somewhere on my 'go to' list
• Spend more time with people I care about
• Experiment with imaginative, innovative ideas
• Bring more smiles to the world

Have you made any resolutions or are you far too grown up for all that? 


* Here are 7 New Year Resolutions for Writers I came up with a couple of years ago

2012 Highlights

Despite all attempts by the governments, the weather and Wirral Council, it's been a good year for me on balance.

Travel highlights were the trip to the south western states of the USA - Sedona, Grand Canyon, Monument Valley, Bryce Canyon, Zion Canyon... oh, and ... erm ... Vegas. Mallorca and Turkey were enjoyable but not in the same class.

Best moments: there was much to remember this year by in the UK too and I'm still buzzing from attending the Paralympics for a couple of days including 'Thriller Thursday' where Hannah Cockcroft, Johnnie Peacock and David Weir won golds.

Despite not being a 'sporty' person, I'd say that following the Olympics and Paralympics was THE best part of the year.

Writing highlights were: My first play - 'Enola Gay' - being premiered as part of Wirral's Festival of Firsts, a couple of competition wins and coming in the top ten of the Pulp Idol novel-writing contest.

Movies: I only saw a handful of new movies but the most teary was War Horse [DVD], and the most satisfying was Skyfall [DVD]

Best purchase of the year... possibly any year ever: The iPad

Best meals of the year were in Cafe Sage, Wallasey Village and The Portrait House, Hoylake. Best buffet - The MGM champagne 'brunch' in Vegas... which I managed to stretch from 10ish to 4ish!

Favourite books: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes - a quirky, poignant story about likeable characters facing a heart-breaking decision - and Before I Go To Sleep by S J Watson - an unnerving tale of a woman's search for the truth when she never remembers what happened yesterday.

Worst weather: where to begin? Snowed under in Flagstaff? Horizontal deluge at the Status Quo concert in Speke? Or just the remorselessly grim grey gloom that loomed over the whole year.

There are other categories, I'm sure, but these are the main things that leap to mind at this point. Starting the new year with a few more writing credits under my belt, still in gainful employment and no bits fallen off yet. I hope 2013 finds you in fine fettle too - and I'd love YOU to share your highlights here!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!