Friday, 26 August 2011

Top 10 job titles

I'm always envious of people with great job titles, or even just funny or unusual ones. So here's my list of the 10 best or funniest job titles I've heard of.

If you work your way up diplomatic circles* you could be Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary.

Not high-falutin' enough? My friend's great uncle helped to design the building of British ambassadorial buildings for the Empire** in the East Indies. His job title was: Chief Architect of the Eastern Hemisphere

But why on earth limit yourself to, well... Earth? NASA employ a Planetary Protection Officer. You may be wondering whether their role is to protect us from aliens or aliens from us. The answer is: both!

In a similar vein, Apple allegedly have this post: Senior Armageddon Avoidance Engineer. (It sounds scary, but having survived Armageddon once and accidentally missing it another time, I could be just the person!)

Back down to earth, a local authority in mid-Wales made the news last year by renaming lifeguards 'Wet Leisure Assistants.'

Councils are fond of strange projects, teams and persons. Mine has a Teengage Pregancy Strategy Group (who must sit in meetings where someone says: ''I know, let's get them drunk on alcopops and play Justin Beiber songs...") and the Older People's Modernisation Team - which presumably retro-fits grannies with gang tattoos and USB ports. But someone must be in charge. An Older People's Modernisation Team Leader perhaps?

Another council worker has done prize-winning work providing support to the victims of various kinds of intimidation. She's the Domestic Violence Co-ordinator.

A friend of mine was Grand Master of the Masonic Lodge - it made him sound rather dashing but I was very disappointed on attending one of their 'Ladies' Night' dinners when no virgins were sacrificed.

Applicants for the job of S&M Administrator might be disappointed, too, to find it refers to Sales & Marketing. I got that from Worst Job in the World.

I have never had a job with a particularly unusual or amusing title. I suppose I could cross out 'Library Assistant' on my badge and write something more off the wall: 'Senior Junior Under-lender' perhaps. What do you think?

If you DON'T have, and have never had, a groovy-sounding job title, you can generate one using this handy Job Title Generator

If you DO have (or have had) a groovy-sounding job title ... or can convince us that you have ... I want to hear about it!

* Not a euphemism... then again...

** Before they started on the Death Star, that is


  1. I am a Junior Supernumerary Minister at the moment. When I'm 65 I can become a full Supernumerary Minister.

    It's slightly better-sounding than Surplus To Requirements Minster, I suppose.

  2. Dave - Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Supernumerary Minister! (Which is surely another kind of Armageddon Avoidance Engineer?)

  3. I should have said Surplice To Requirements Minster, shouldn't I?

  4. Yes you should, Dave - you missed a trick there!

  5. When I was in the R.A.F. in the docks at Southampton I had an armband which read simply A/C i/c BABIES. Simple and accurate. Any family that arrived for embarkation with children under five gave them to me to look after. I was eighteen! None of them died, although Baby Tufft threw my hat in the docks.

  6. A Catholic friend once went for a job with a body known as The Redemptorists. Which sounds like a bad car-case series from the 1970s. Luckily he didn't get it. He said they were the weirdest bunch of people he'd ever met. Like re-animated corpses with no sense of humour. Great post by the way!

  7. I found your blog for the first time today. It made me smile and it made me think. I love that combination.

  8. But Don, what do the A/C and i/c stand for? Airconditioned intercontinental babies?

    Laura - My dad was a Charistmatic Renewalist for a while - religions have the best titles!

    Mike - Welcome and thanks for linking to my cliche post from your blog! 8-)

  9. Wet Leisure Assistant? The mind boggles!

    I've thought of a new job title - Planetary Zombie Annihilation Co-ordinator.

    Ellie Garratt

  10. Only a Senior Junior Under-lender could think up a post like this. And I love the bullshit job title generator link!

  11. Ellie - or inter-planetary? where's your ambition, woman!

    Susan - Sadly, I know people with job titles like the ones that comes up with!

  12. Love these job titles. I see them all the time in the local papers and they make me laugh.

  13. bit late; A/C: Aircraftman, I/C: In Charge or In Command :-)

  14. In my current job I am a Wine Stylist. My last job
    as a Marketing Diva. Prior to that I was a Marketeer, and before that a Gastronaut. I hope to never be a 'manager' of anything, even though that was the position of each of these jobs. I am now about to be an Ice Cream Maker (own business) and am thinking about my next job title. Ice Whisperer? Ice Pirate?

  15. Hi

    I am in the Food Wine and Tourism industry in customer service and marketing.
    My first role - Gastronaut.
    Next - Marketeer
    Then - Marketing Diva
    After that - Wine Stylist
    Now a new job in tourism - still thinking but seeking ideas (Escape Artist has already been taken!)

  16. I gave myself a fun title in my new company, Freezing Penguin Web Design, of "Penguin in Chief". It's kinda cheating to give it to yourself though, huh?