Showing posts with label xmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label xmas. Show all posts

Monday, 5 December 2011

10 Best Christmas Gifts for Writers

Looking for a Christmas present for the writer in your life?

Yes, it's that time of year again: sleigh bells glisten, Santa is nipping at your toes and the mince pies are burning away merrily. And here I am again exhorting readers to use my link (on the right) when buying their pressies from Amazon so I get a few shiny pennies under my tree (not a euphemism).

Top 10 Stocking Fillers for Writers for under a Tenner

Writers need to back up their works in progress or perhaps move stuff from one computer to another.  Show them you 'woof' them by filling their stockings with this delightful Humping Dog USB flashdrive.


Or, if your loved one prefers a pen... and is writing something gruesome, look no further than this Novelty Syringe Pen at just 99p.

How about this Book Lovers Calendar - a page a day of great novels they didn't write, serving the dual purpose of reminding them of how unsuccessful they are and the swift passage of time, and hence their own mortality.

Anyone who wants to write for a living is a mug - so buy them one. This one is from the Literary Gift Company (see below) at £9.95 but there are loads at £11 from Cafe Press who will also make one with your own wording on (or maybe a quote from one of your writer's poems or stories?).

Oh, you want to give them books? Anyone who loves words will love The Etymologicon from ace blogger The Inky Fool - a witty and enlightening little book described in the Observer as 'the stocking filler of the season.'

Another gift for hungry word lovers is Scrabble with Chocolate Pieces at £8.50. There is a range of other classic games with a chocolatey twist... although the Twister with Chocolate looked disappointing. I'm sure I could have been more imaginative with that idea... but it wouldn't have much of a literary bent so I digress.

Of course the classic gift for any writer - a literary equivalent of The Beano is the seminal The Writers' & Artists' Yearbook 2012 which is packed with useful advice we do not heed, how-to guides we do not read and lists of agents and publishers we keep meaning to submit material to. But as it's just over £10, why not look out for a pristine (unopened) 2011 one as they're not going to open it anyway!


Beware of buying your writer this gorgeous Handmade Leather Journal. Beautiful notebooks demand beautiful writing, and most of us need notebooks for demented scribblings. We will not sully our beautiful notebooks with such things and will never write another word.

Try something cheeky instead like this Marvel Retro A5 Notebook at £5.70.

Nothing says more clearly 'I'm a writer' than this typewriter pin badge which is £4 gift-boxed from the Literary Gift Company... except perhaps a pin badge saying 'I'm a writer' which would just be silly... but available from Cafe Press (above).

I mention the Literary Gift Company last because once you go to them you will be lost to me - and I don't get any commission from them!


Friday, 31 December 2010

New Year's Eve... live from a sofa near you

Firstly I must tell you - something weird happened tonight with me and Darth Vader.

Bear with me. There's this guy (or gal) calling themselves Darth Vader on Twitter, and they asked for a three word description of the Dark Lord of the Sith. I replied saying I couldn't do it in 3 words, but gave a link to this blog post. 'Darth' re-tweeted my link to his quarter of a million followers. So suddenly (not that I follow my stats on Statcounter or anything) I've had 1500 people (and counting) visit that post...

...for an average of 5 seconds.... hahaha! Andy Warhol was wrong - not even fifteen minutes,

added later: ... although Darth doesn't tweet that often so I'm still getting hits from it, and a few new followers, and a great story which both self-agrandises and self-denigrates... but does end up with people wanting me to explain (in detail) what Twitter is and what's the difference between Twitter and Facebook and Blogging and Linked-in and my arse. (Not really - just added that in to see if anyone was paying attention.)

It just goes to show how many sad, lonely people who don't get invited to New Year parties are getting something out of Twitter, and the internet. It's nice for us them.

I've been trying to be positive, what with my top Christmas pressies, and my highlights of 20210 (hey... I can't drink tequila and type!) and not mentioning the BAD BITS and the CONTINUING SAGAs and the TROUBLES AHEAD. But really.

Must I bear alone the trauma of my mother's gift of a leopard-skin shower cap (and matching snuggle) and 48 boxes of chocolates? Could be worse - my BFF got a doorstop, a tea towel, teabags and (ahem) 16 random library books.

Anyway, there's some more cheap fizz en route so I'll stop here. But if you're reading this tonight, here's some comfort for you - 'staying in' is the new 'going out'. Twitter said so. But then it says a lot of things.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Cheers!! *raises can of Stella and gets all teary...*



Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Ho Ho Ho! My favourite Christmas Jokes

It's a funny time of year - and I hope these Christmas jokes make it just a little bit funnier:
Q - Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
A - You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

***
Three men die on Christmas Eve. St Peter says they can get into heaven if they have something Christmassy with them.
The first guy clicks his lighter. 'It's a candle!' He says, and is allowed in.
The second guy jangles a bunch of keys. 'Jingle bells!' He sings, and is allowed in.
The third guy thinks for a minute then fishes a pair of ladies' knickers out of his pocket.
'In what way are they Christmassy?' asks Saint Peter.
'They’re Carol’s!'
***
We were very poor. Every Christmas my mother would give us all a haircut and then we’d sit down to Xmas dinner with all the trimmings.

***
Q- How does Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker is getting for Christmas?
A - Because he has felt his presents.

***
A woman goes into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. 'What denomination do you want?' asks the lady at the counter. 'Good God!' she said. 'Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic and twenty Protestant.

***
Q - Why does Santa come down the chimney?
A - Because those pants are tight and he wriggles a lot

***
I got a Helium book for Xmas. I can’t put it down.
***
I got a U2 jigsaw for Christmas. I'm starting with the Edge.

***
I bought my kids a David Blaine doll for Christmas – they couldn’t open the box!

***
Tampax are replacing the string on tampons with a piece of tinsel – but just for the Christmas period only


More seasonal sillies in The Funniest Christmas Joke Book Ever

~ That's all folks! ~

There's more Christmas humour at christmastime.com