Monday, 31 January 2011

The Angel of the Date Stamp

And the Angel of the Date Stamp sayeth to the library assistant:

"Yeay and the day cometh - and thou shalt know the day for even as thy cup of tea runneth over, so shalt thy tank run dry.

"And upon this day thou shalt press 'send' on the Important Message without checking it and a Great Wailing shall arise from all the other branches under the Heavens crying: 'What hast thou done?'

"And it will come to pass that He Who Designeth the poster and misseth off the date, hath finished his Placement and vanished off the Face of the Earth along with the programme and fonts he useth. And all will turn unto thee and say: 'Thou knowest of such things - thou shalt make reparations.'

"And things which Need To Be Done, turneth out to have already been done - but only after thou hast done them again. And all manner of Trouble and Difficulty shall present themselves unto thee, and thou shalt be beset on all sides by Confusion, Interruption and Frustration. For it is written: even as you juggle Many Things, so shall you drop them.

"And the very Air shall freeze and the Sky darken, and there shall be no more Mince Pies in the staff room and so thou shalt go hungry unto the Counter. And there, the Borrowers shall tug at thy Cardigan saying: 'I gaveth it to the Charity Shop by accident.' And: 'Yeay, I have renewed this many times online and oweth you nothing.' And 'Bring forth that book by that woman whose name I knoweth not who hath written that book, the name of which I also knoweth not?'

"And yeay thou shalt walk through many corridors in the wilderness, and from thence to the children's library, they shall Speaketh in Tongues saying: 'Une pomme de terre, tra la la!' with great volume until the Skies rend and thy ears bleed.

"And when thy Work is finished, and thy Struggles have brought forth ill-formed and brutish Conclusions, thou shalt think of many other ways to have better completed thy tasks.

"And thou shalt cover thine head with thine hands... like this."


  1. And, yea, every time thou shalt enCOUNTER a Librarian thou shalt welcome them to our country.

  2. No more mince pies in the staff room? How couldst anyone be so cruel?

  3. And Dave read thy work and sayeth: 'Lo, it hath been four hundred years since thy people spake likest unto this. Verily it is time to move on.'

  4. There you are, you get a job in a library, and see what happens! Do you think the geek will inherit the earth?

  5. Yea, verily. Woe, woe & thrice woe

  6. Moptop - Yea. Or should that be: YAY!

    Rainy - well, to be fair it was me who ate all the pies!

    Dave - I can see thou rememberest it very well!

    Vicus - I was just whispering...

    Martin - ...and blasted be those who thunder and burst in righteous indignation.

    Woody - THRICE woe? I think that's a bit more woe than I can handle. Twice is where I draw the line! 8-D