Sunday 20 February 2011

Compulsive volunteer

I used to be a compulsive volunteer.

David Cameron would have loved me. I'd have been up there at the vanguard of his Big Society.

If you wanted anything doing, my hand would shoot up first. I rarely stopped to consider. Let's blame my mum - she's always done her bit: from Meals on Wheels to Charity Shop, from the Probation Service to the Magistrates Court. I was brought up to think it was what people did

Even at 15 I was an active member of the Leos (a junior version of the Lions Club), at 20 I became a Special Constable (more on that here), at 24 I was on the run for a sponsored jailbreak with the Rotaract (junior Rotary Club) and two years later I was a full-time volunteer on a Kibbutz - which included working in a glue factory and a baby house (more on that here).

Even that didn't teach me a lesson. Back in England in my early thirties, I was dragged to a meeting of an environmental group by a friend who'd 'seen the (green) light.' I offered to write one newsletter and next thing I knew I was volunteering for them 45 hours a week running a new Eco Centre. And although I did eventually get some funding which meant I actually got paid to do that - the job description mysteriously never mentioned standing in a wheelie bin dressed as a pile of rubbish or running a two-day green fayre attended by 10,000 people, with one hundred whacky eco-warrior stall holders, local scallies trying to break in and a very aggressive bouncy castle man.

Slowly, painfully, I have learned by now that the phrase: 'I'll do that!' generally ends up with me dressed as a carrot at Woodside Ferry Terminal, chasing a gazebo across a windy field or naked in a field in Gloucestershire.

So if anyone wants me to run a play group for retired thespians, set up low-calorie soup kitchen for anorexic fashion models, train 'funny dogs for the boring', drive Deals on Wheels for housebound city traders or shake a collection tin for the Collection Tin Preservation Society I am not available any more.

10 comments:

  1. The photo of the wheelie bin is all very well, but where's the one of you naked in a field in Gloucestershire?

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I've been a volunteer with the Probation Service, Youth opportunity (don't make me laugh) Schemes, Adult Literacy, editor of various in-house publications, etc, etc. All very satisfying and rewarding but, almost without exception, each role eventually became unmanageable, and unaffordable. I didn't mind the work being unpaid but, hey guys, covering expenses isn't too much to ask, is it?

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  3. Oooooh!!!!! Excited!!!!! Roger McGough has just read a poem about a young lady with a green hat on a bus the day the world ends on Poetry Please and I'm excited because you introduced me to that very poem only a few days ago and if you hadn't I probably wouldn't have taken much notice because he didn't read it very well or rather not as well as he read it in my head when I read it here a few days ago and can you tell I'm exscited?

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  4. Can you imagine how excited I'd be if you published a picture of you naked in a field in Gloucestershire?

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  5. Dave - it's a long story - doubtless I shall share it here one day... I tell you what, though - you don't get many conferences like that any more! ... But enough about that - I'm absolutely delighted to witness this unprecedented level of excitement from you about a poem! Big hugs!

    Martin - You just reminded me I am still a trustee of a charity in Liverpool - and it's always niggled me that everyone gets the same travel expenses (£2) whether you live in walking distance or have a 24 mile round trip involving either a £4 train fare or £2.80 in tunnel fees (plus petrol)... although since we no longer have any funding at all it's kind of academic now. Grrr...

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  6. Bah Humbug! You mean you don't like dressing up as rubbish and standing in a wheelie bin? Blimey, you didn' half have me laughing with your exploits. Each one could have been a post in its own right!

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  7. Annie - And they probably will! 8-D

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  8. I want to see the carrot picture. The concept of being 'dressed as a carrot' is most intriguing. How DO carrots dress?

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  9. D'you know Fran - I don't think i have that picture any more 8-(

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