If they want to get rid of me now, they have to kill me. (Don't tell them that - it'll give them ideas.) I was the last person to get a job in the UK - ever. I'll be a hundred and four and still saying: 'I don't know - I'm the new girl.'
I wasn't sure about the idea of working in a library at first - I had my reservations. But now that I've sorted my shelf out, this job might be just the ticket.
Today I spent some time sorting the health section, musing to myself how cruel it seemed to have all the books about backache on the bottom shelf and the ones about arthritis on the top, and how very neat and ordered the section on OCD was.
In between 'borrowers' I browse recently returned books so now I know all sorts of things I never expected to: how to resuscitate a dog, muffin-making, Beatles ephemera, five minute yoga, and making your own crop circle using string and a piece of board. I'm getting my head around the Dewey Decimal system too. I found the Doomsday book in the 'letting your property' section. Well - you have to put it somewhere.
Books go missing sometimes, of course. We can't seem to find Lord Lucan's Biography, that book about the Bermuda Triangle or 'Shergar - the Wilderness Years.'
But by and large it's going well. But I've been stirring up a few ghosts. Not actual ghosts, but:
- Woman who was part of group I was writing a play with
- Man I used to chat to on the way home x 2
- Ex's friend’s sister who ended up going out with my other ex
- Dodgy poet
- Local artist who wants erudite conversation when I'm sorting books into alphabetical order
- Wirral News reporter
- Dead Cat Woman
- Meditation guru who had me exploring my own liver from the inside and alwasy stands too close
- The poet from the fort
- Old school chum not sighted since 1982 – who still looks exactly the same
- Two of my ex volunteers
- Big Brian
- Chief Executive (but sadly not in full biker gear on this occasion)
- Ode Show compere
- Mr Hankey (not the poo from South Park. Real man. Real name.)
- Crafty woman (not crafty as in cunning – she does crafts)
- Boring jobless bloke who used to shark me
- The cyclist who used to work for Dixons but packed it all in to be an artist and grow his hair
These are trying times for libraries. 'Big Society' might be the death of them. Visit your library this week and take out your full complement.