Friday, 1 October 2010

Look who's stalking!

Anyway. Like I said at the end of this post, I know exactly where my ex-husband is. The only reason I know this is that, after no sightings for fifteen years, he just started following me on Twitter. 

If there's one thing the worldwide web is brilliant for - it allows a person to stalk their ex from the comfort of their own home. (I've always said I was too lazy to be a stalker - they'd have to come round here.)  They don't have to lurk around Liscard precinct and harangue people any more, or accost people's perfectly innocent colleagues in the toilets at parties. 

So I started following him back.

"A warm welcome to my new followers. Glad to know your [sic] following my work." He tweeted, not to me but in general - there have been no tweets between us. 

The only other contact in those intervening years is when he made this comment out of the blue on this video of me on YouTube : 'God, she'd put weight on since I was married to her, and she isn't any funnier.' I'll come back to this in a minute. (Oh, and when his sister emailed me to threaten legal action when I described him as a tosser on my website... although, in my defence, his hobby is bus-spotting.)

If you think about it, following me on Twitter was a rash move on his part. He is a public figure of sorts (hence the email from his sister, I suppose) and raising your head above the parapets of cyberspace gives your enemies a powerful weapon against you. An intelligent, creative person with experience in PR (for example) and an ax to grind could do a lot of damage to someone in his position.

We have a tendency to demonise the other party when relationships turn out badly and I hold up my hands here. But if your ex is a demon, then by default your original judgement was flawed - you chose a demon (or allowed them to choose you) - and hence you can no longer trust your own judgement. This doesn't help anyone - it exacerbates damage already sustained and tarnishes future relationships. Hate is an almost entirely terrible thing and it harms the hater more than the hatee.

But you know what? He wasn't a demon. I take these little glimpses into his life now, and recognise certain things about him: he has found a place in the world where he is doing some good, harnessing that strong desire he always had (but did not always listen to) to be the hero and turning his energies towards actually help people. 

So if you're reading this, don't worry. I'm not going to name, shame, blame or play games. But can I just say that if I've put weight on I'd just like to point out...

Before (left)

...and after (right).

That's all I have to say on the subject.


  1. I really wish you had warned me before you showed those pictures. I nearly spit up my fizzy drink all over my keyboard.

  2. Oh, la, talk about pot calling kettle . . . you have a wicked biro, you do, whether broken or not! Bravo!!

  3. I love, love, LOVED the video - want to read/hear more of your verse (reminded me a little of Roger McGough, in a bra - Rogette McGough perhaps?).

    And incidentally, if what we saw was you AFTER the weight gain..... well, it's equivalent to me BEFORE.

  4. Absolutely FABTASTIC poetry performance on that video. Was it a competition? Did you win? You are just as funny in real life as on the blog. Have you published this stuff?

  5. Maria - You should know by now not to drink and surf at the same time!... but I suspect I had a very similar action when I first saw recent pics of him (especially in the light of his comments - which made me feel far less charitable than I would have been otherwise)!

    RA - Or the toad calling the warthog 'lumpy'!

    She Means Well - Why, thank you. I may use that 'Roger McGough in a bra' line in my publicity blurbs! There are more poems dotted around the blog (you can search for the tag 'poem' in the search box, top right) and also at my main website

    Fran - Ooh, thanks very much. It was the Bristol v. Liverpool Poetry Slam 2008 and we lost (we wozz robbed!). I've had quite a few published - but no collection... yet! 8-)

  6. Maria - I did spit up my drink, narrowly missing the laptop.

    Clare - Loved the video! And as for the ex-turned-cyber-stalker, it really is a case of the pot calling the kettle . . .fat.

  7. BB, I winced a little at this post since it seems one half of the party doesn't realize that it. really. is. over.
    Great photo commentary. I never can understand why men think it's perfectly OK to pack it on like that. Eww.

  8. I can vouch for the fact that she was blimmin' brilliant at the Slam and a certain famous DIY expert was bowled over by her. (Cue puns about getting PLASTERED, PAINTING the town red, CONCRETE verse, erm, GUTTERING...?)